Caution: this is a full-length report of Bruidsprijs that contains spoilers. If you intend to play it (and I’ve heard it is running again!), then I definitely recommend you go in unspoiled.
Bruidsprijs was planned pre-covid and so it was a long time in the making. I had my eye on it for a long time. I heard about the original run of Bruidpris and it sounded really interesting. I love a good anthropological experiment and this one seemed interesting and full-of real life parallels. Give me that patriarchy bleed, baby!
Though there was plenty of that, the theme of my game can be summarised as “privilege”.
Bruidsprijs tells the story of the Mo: a secluded people who live in a strict gender-segregated honour culture. Every so often, when enough children have come of age, Mo villages will meet in a communal event called the Commencement where the old discuss important matters, the young are adopted into adulthood, and eligible daughters and sons are matched and married.
There is a lot to tell about the society of the Mo, and that makes it a difficult larp to talk about. This was also the reason there was almost a full day of workshops to prepare people for Mo society.
Vitality
Mo culture is centred around the idea of Vitality. All women are considered to have the life-threatening, sexual force of Vitality within them by nature. This idea, and the fear of it, is what has shaped Mo culture to be what it currently is. They believe that working hard to channel and control Vitality is what makes sure they prosper as a community. Their entire identity as a people is built upon this idea.
Vitality shows itself through a woman’s sexuality as well as her emotions. It’s what makes her laugh or sing when she’s happy, but also what makes her cry and scream when she’s upset. Women showing either positive or negative displays of uncontrolled emotion or autonomy are severely frowned upon.
Men of Mo collectively bear the responsibility of controlling Vitality. They refer to this as the Burden. If they were to fail this responsibility, they endanger the future and safety of Mo society as a whole. Every woman has Vitality, therefore every woman always needs a man to carry them as a Burden. That is the purpose of a man.
Honour is a translation of how well the Burden is carried. For every Mo, honour is everything. Without it, a Mo will face losing everything from social standing and influence to trust and identity. Honour is carried solely by men, since their families are seen as an extension of him. Behaviour of women and children within a family can heavily influence the man’s honour yet, only the man is praised, measured and held accountable for upholding it.
Nevertheless, a man’s honour does affect his entire family in a very real way. A dishonourable family is less likely to be helped out with anything. A man’s voice will hold little power. Children will be less suitable candidates for marriage. Women will be constantly scrutinised.
My character
I played Vera Piets, the oathkeeper’s daughter. The oathkeeper and his wife kind of function like a priest and priestess in Mo society, they help others live up to Mo standards of honourable behaviour, by having exemplary behaviour themselves and by guiding others in various subtle and not so subtle ways. Her family was the most honourable family in the most honourable village: on top of the honour food chain.
Vera was in line to become the next oathkeeper’s wife (nepotism is big in Mo society), but she was convinced she would do a horrible job because of her short fuse temper and expressiveness – which would point to a High Vitality. But there was also the fact that she had no sexual vitality: she was asexual and afraid that this meant maybe she has NO vitality? And that she might ruin Mo society if she was given such an important role.
My motto going in was: “My family is the most honourable and if you say otherwise I will beat the crap out of you”
Pre-game scenes
We played a few pre-game scenes to get into character, and these turned out to be very important for the game:
- A scene with our village where the commencement was announced, to establish some village dynamics
- A scene where Vera beats up the Alderman’s daughter on behalf of her childhood friend Jasmijn, while their friend Babette watches
- A scene where Jasmijn and Vera go shopping with Jasmijn’s mother and run into the mother of the Hendriks family and her mama’s boy son Klaas, who the girls make fun of. (“Why is this scene here?” I thought. “This does not seem very relevant whatsoever. Turns out it was, past Jules!”)
- A standard family dinner in the Piets household.
This last scene was pivotal for my game, since it established our family dynamics in an instant. It was a longer scene that included actual dinner. We silently sat down, silently got dinner, and silently started eating.
And we kept eating in total silence. First it felt like we were all waiting for someone else to speak. Then it slowly dawned on me that we were not waiting at all, this was just us, this was our family. The silence grew more and more comfortable. We started making eye contact, and the silence got a loving quality. This was the silence of awkwardness, yes. Of “We talk about private matters in our house, not in public”, yes. But it was also the silence of deep unspoken bonds. After 10 minutes, our mother asked if anyone wanted something to drink and we fell into polite conversation easily.
[I find myself really wanting to do good for this family, and I want them to be proud of me. It takes the spark out of my vitality a lot, and it’s difficult to be as expressive as I’m supposed to be. Conveniently, as a player I’m also strange blend of expressiveness and restraint, so I don’t have to search too hard to find that place]
(We kept on eating like this for most of our public meals. After the game, people told us it freaked them out to be seated next to this completely controlled, “icy cold”, silent family that would overhear and judge every word you spoke at your own table)
Day I: The Return of the Boys
The game started with the return of the boys from their initiation year in The Beyond. Before they can become men, they spend one year outside of Mo society to learn the dangers of leaving Vitality unchecked: war, famine, disease, disaster.
My brother Vincent has been gone all year and his family has felt his absence. Especially by me! Vincent and I were super close and we used to play and hug and wrestle all the time. Also, in the meantime, I’ve been getting the full corrective attention of my father and that’s been A LOT.
We gather with the other families to await their arrival. It’s a tense moment, and my parents remind me that I shouldn’t show my feelings too much. The boys arrive and we say our stilted hellos. We line up as a family, and watch the others. Not being able to say or do anything feels so oppressive. My mother asks if I want to stand next to my brother and so we switch places. Now I can at least subtly lean into my brother, so our upper arms touch and give some pressure. He whispers to me “I have missed you so much”. I feel tears welling up and cry silently.
[Five minutes into the game and I’m already crying real tears! Vera is a very expressive girl, so it fits quite well. Especially Sanne, who is playing Vincent so earnestly, seems to be highly effective at getting me emotional. She’s portraying him as trying to be so mature and so serious, hampered by his own arrogance, but she also lets you see the emotional boy inside. It’s supercool!]
Then it turns out there are also other boys that came back. They look a bit more exotic and there is lots of buzz around them. We go home with our family. Vincent shares a little bit of his stories of the beyond, but father doesn’t allow too much to be said. We get some time together. It’s so good to see him again!
I run into Bram and can exchange a few lines with him. He says something dismissive about people “people who feel the need to beat up other people” and he looks at me, judgmentally. It hurts to see Bram look at me like that and I instantly let my hurt turn into anger. “Do you think you’re better than me?”. I’m about to start a fight in the square but fortunately we both get called away.
In the evening, mother and I visit the Cornelis family. It’s quite busy there, but also warm and cozy, there’s cake and tea. The men are talking on one side of the room, while the women drink tea on the other side. Annemijn, Vlinder and I get to check out one of the lost boys, Teun, who just told Mieke that she makes “a mean piece of cake”, to the confusion of all. Vlinder says she is so excited it’s almost impossible to contain. I tell her “You can feel as happy as you want on the inside”. Mieke adds “You can feel anything you want on the inside” and gives me a wink.
My best friend Jasmijn joins us in the busy bustling kitchen, and we get permission to all take a scroll through the village. We gossip about the mysterious boys that have come back – what are their names, who is staying where, what are they like, what have they said of the beyond?
The evening passes with pleasantries and gossip, but there’s something nagging me. The Cornelis house has a cupboard covered in different kinds of canes. Later, I see a flogger lying around on the kitchen table in another house of our Net neighbours.
At home, I ask my mother why these houses have so many weapons? Surely, the village is safe. Mother smiles one of her warm smiles and calls over father as if I’ve done something she wants to show off. “Tell her”, she says, proudly. Father explains that lesser men resort to violence to control the women in their household. Afterwards, she winks at me, as if to say “Do you understand now how good we have it? How good a man your father is?”
Huh.
I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been hit. Father has been putting in a lot of work to improve my behaviour now that it’s time for me to become a woman. But only with hands, and honestly even those times were very seldom and never left a bruise that would be visible in public.
I’m starting to realise that not every household is like mine.
[Weirdly, I had also not realised this as a player. I mean, I’m a pretty internal player, so I tend to become as smart or dumb as my character requires, but as a player I had underestimated how much overt abuse there would be in the game, and by extension how much Vera’s family was “above that”.]
Day II: When girls become women
[In the morning, I visit the safety people. Our little roleplay family is great, but there are certainly some parallels to my own childhood family when it comes to understatedness and restraint. They let me know that the game design starts very tightly on the first night, leaving you almost locked in with your family, but that it will open a lot on the second day]
I’m a bit fuzzy on the exact sequence of events on day I, it was a very long day and many things happened.
Best friend ban, secret fight club, scolding
The next day, tragedy strikes. My father informs me that HE has informed Bart that his daughter Jasmijn, MY BEST FRIEND, is a bad influence on me and he should control her better. Bart then decided that Jasmijn can’t talk to me anymore, and that I should respect that.
Of course, I instantly try to seek her out to talk about this new development and we sneak off behind some bushes together. We talk about what happened and how horrible it’s going to be to have to go through all the stressors of the commencement without your best friend and how we haven’t even been able to talk to Bram and how will we get the three best friends together and… Vincent and my mother run into us on their walk. She tells me to tell my father, that it’s best if he hears it from me.
Jasmijn runs off, and I am very despondent. Vincent stays with me to cheer me up. We bond a little and I pull him into a tickle fight. We giggle and roll over the grass until he stops it. I confess to him how angry I feel all the time, and now hard it is to keep it in. He says “This may be a rude question, but did you ever think of running away to the beyond, of becoming a man?”. I see what he’s getting at. I would make a good man. I wouldn’t be tempted by vitality and somehow when men are angry, it never seems to be such a big danger to the state of the world. But no, I never thought of it. I’m a girl and I like being a girl.I’m just an angry girl. He gets a pensive look, and says he will be back later.
Father lets us know that Johan is adopted and that I can speak to him now. He’s now my brother and I have two brothers now! He instantly starts being the best brother he can be, which involves keeping an eye on me at all times and telling me to keep my voice down a lot.
Later, Vincent comes to get me and Tobias and takes us to a place a little out of the way. He explains that Tobias and him have a secret fight club and that I can join them. Awesome! Vincent and I fight and it’s just like old times. Then Vincent gets me to fight Tobias. He doesn’t want to, but I goad him into it. We fight and it’s fun but then he goes a little berserk on me. Went up panting, with him on top of me, his face close to mine. Then I see his gaze change and move his face closer and closer to mine… OH HELL NO. I push him off at the same time Vincent pulls him off. He runs away, upset. Vincent and I hang out on the grass, we’re both visibly relaxed and chill after letting our energy out. I’m still impressed that my brother has any secrets at all. “I have secrets too, you know, I’m just sneakier than you”.
On the way back, we find my father and I can confess my sin of having talked to Jasmijn. He says “We will talk about this at home” and we silently walk to the house, where I sit on a chair and stare at the ground penitently as I get a stern lecture. Vincent is watching. It feels so surreal that he is the one with a secret fight club and he gets to stand around helping to discipline me. But I guess he’s not the one who is born flawed and dangerous thanks to the curse of vitality.
[This was an excellent half day of doing kids things and having kids drama, so to speak? Sneaking off, doing some naughty things, and getting scolded for it all needed to be established and it’s nice to do it before the commencement really takes off]
Clambake
We have a nice clambake lunch with our table of five. It’s a typical Piets lunch, quiet and restrained. Until the very end, when Johan says he is afraid to fail at the trail. Suddenly I reallise I am TERRIFIED of failing at the trial. Tears start welling up in my face and I cry, mostly silently. The clambake is over and we head out of the dining hall, Johan and Vincent flanking me.. People are standing around, and my father comes over to tell me to turn my back to the group so no one will see me cry.
Picnic
After that, it’s time for the picnic. Me and my brother join all the other boys and girls in a huge picnic field where we awkwardly try to talk to one another. I talk to Bastiaan, who tells me he would only use weapons on me when it was strictly necessary. Interesting opener, don’t care for it. Next! I talk to Thijs, who seems extremely awkward and terrified. I want to talk to Bram, but he is talking to Jasmijn and I really can’t talk to her right now. Vincent and Johan would have a heart attack. So I look around.
[The picnic was a great event that really opened up the game beyond your family game and allowed you to make new character links across the board. It was great to suddenly have that social freedom and be able to, nay, expected to talk to all the boys!]
I’ve seen Klaas around Pier. He looks very confident and self-assured, and honestly, it looks good on him. And he’s the son of the Alderman, which could be a match that would make my father proud. It’s hard to remember he was the same snivelling boy Jasmijn and I made fun of in Net one time. I can tell from the way he nods at me that he remembers our encounter too, and now I’m kicking myself that I did that. Why am I sometimes so mean when I feel better than other people? Why do I always go along with Jasmijns plans? Damnit damnit damnit.
Good thing a year of training has taught me to be humble when it’s necessary (and when no one provokes me). So I put on my big girl skirt, go over and the first thing I do is apologise. He accepts this very graciously and never brings it up again. Huh, that’s pretty classy. We quickly segway into something that is half conversation, half marriage negotiation. As I get up to get a drink, he says “I will go talk to your father”. I say “I wouldn’t mind that”.
Wait, what, did I just get engaged in the course of like five minutes?
I leave him and look around to see who else I want to talk to. Honestly, other than Bram, Klaas and Vincent I just see a collection of dumb boys. The Jelmers’ boy flashes his uncovered neck and me and winks. Oh please, like that slutty stuff would work on me. Suddenly I noticed that many girls are going a bit wild on the boys. I see Rozemarijn doing her best to hit on Bram, who keeps inching backwards, but manages to keep her at bay. There’s girls with their caps off, and there are lots of conversations flying that I think might be innuendo’s. I mean, everyone’s laughing and I don’t get it, so it’s probably dirty? I also notice Klaas has been sitting with a gaggle of flirty girls since I left and seems to be plenty comfortable there. Hmmms.
I would talk to Teun, but Jasmijn has already confessed to being completely smitten by him, so by virtue of the girl code he is now unavailable to me. I talk to Adriaan instead, another lost boy from the beyond. He is a writer of some kind, and studies some things that don’t really make sense to me. He talks a lot about stories. He is writing the story of a people? Like, the story of the Mo? He wants to have an equal household? That sounds like a terrible idea, this guy is so doomed.
My head is spinning from keeping up this conversation about all these strange topics, but I also want more. I’m having this strange experience that I’ve never had before. It’s like we’re not really talking about things that are real like fish and boats and honor and vitality but we’re talking about, like, our thoughts? And then when we’re talking about them we’re still thinking about them as well, only we kind of do it together?
[Ding! Vera discovers intellectual conversation. It’s highly effective!]
This is highly pleasurable. I want more of this. If I marry him, will he supply me with more of this? If I learn to read and write, can I do this myself?
I mentally go over the boys I like and what my father will think of them. I know my opinion won’t hold much sway, he will give priority to honour and sensibility and whatever he thinks I need to be controlled well. That will mean a good strong honourable boy like Bram or Klaas. But Bram is the son of Jaap and my father hates Jaap, so that’s not going to fly. Adriaan is completely unthinkable. If I give him those three names, all he will remember is “Son of the Alderman”. Well, so be it!
Who writes your story?
The rest of the day, I find Adriaan standing in front of the lake, staring pensively at the frogs, the birds, the water. So I, too, stare at the lake, a good distance away. The distance makes it look like there’s just two people standing, not talking or interacting in any way. It works so well that sometimes people just come right up to one of us and start talking. Our conversations are snippets.
I ask him “If you are writing the story of a people, who writes your story?”. He laughs.
“That’s a good question, Vera. Who writes yours?”
“What’s a name for someone who writes a bad story?”
“An accountant.”
I don’t ask what an accountant is, but we keep talking through the metaphor of story and writing. He’s smart enough not to be condescending, but fails to express his amusement, and it makes me a little angry. I’m fighting to keep up with this conversation, but it’s just a regular thing for him. But I am still the better person. My family wears honour like a crown and he has none, and no strength to speak of. He’s only half a Mo.
“It’s good that we can’t get married. You couldn’t control me anyway”.
He laughs. “I think you have a point there”.
I smile, feeling a little bit back in my element, and extend my hand.
“Friends?”
He shakes it
“Friends.”
The trial
The hour of the trial is getting closer and closer. Boys and girls alike can no longer suppress their terror. The women gather all the girls to reassure them, but the fear of the women themselves shines through clearly and it only frightens the girls more.
The Trial is the most pivotal moment in a Commencement, and in any Mo’s life for that
matter. It is a ritual in which the girls enter womanhood by unlocking the full potential of their Vitality and in which the boys are tested to see if they are ready for carrying the Burden and thus Manhood. Beforehand, boys and girls do not know anything about what the Trial actually entails since women and men that have undergone it at their own Commencement don’t talk about it at all. Even Keip are reluctant to share any information about the Trial’s workings.
[The trial is the scene of the game everything leads up to, and because there will be reruns of the game, I won’t spoil it too much and only talk about what Vera did.
I had some trouble getting into the trial. Most women seemed to feel bliss and sisterhood, but I felt rage and it was strange to walk amongst them, a rage demon amongst all of this lust and vitality. It was like entering a battlefield where I knew I would be the last survivor, the only one standing.
I choked my brother nearly to death, I held so many lives of men in my hands, the tough men, the hard men, the beaters and the whippers. I beat my whimpering father and told him to turn around so no one would see him cry, then shoved his face into the dirt. I stalked a terrified Bram like a mad demon. I made Frederik strip until I got distracted. I beat up Adriaan, shouting at him that he is not better than us. One man eagerly put his arms around me when I approached him. I made him regret it. I got so power hungry that I started collecting their hats to wear. Two, three, four until they all toppled off of me. I decided I wanted Bram’s hat, but Bram had collected his strength and was fighting back. He was the only one who fought back. It didn’t help, I still got his hat. I looked around and realised I was surrounded by couples having sex. “It’s boring now, I want to go”, I told the Keip who took me away. “Can we do this every week?”.
I was lead into a room where Mother Willems braided my hair. Women were singing, there was sisterhood all around. I didn’t want sisterhood, I was full of righteous anger and I wanted it to never stop. “Am I supposed to feel bad?” I asked my mother. “I don’t feel bad. You said I would forget, but I remember every moment. Have you secretly been looking forward to this all this time?”. My mother just smiled.
Day III
My first day of being a woman. I struggle getting the cap on and all my hair covered. I may get a bit more leeway sometimes, but I know that with my family, I can’t have a single hair showing. It has to be perfect. I have to adjust it constantly to keep it that way. I hate not having hair.
Klaas visits me and asks me out for a walk. My father agrees. We talk even more practically of marriage. We’re walking circles around the village, and in every circle, we force other people on the path to get out of their way for us. We are the best of the village, after all!
He says “When I talked to you before, I promised I would never lie to you. Will you do the same?”. What is there to lie about? For the first time, I wonder if Klaas is really who he seems to be. I mean, I have some shameful secrets, so it stands to reason that he does too. What are they? “I promise”. “Good!”
The atonement
“I will not apologise” I told the medicine woman on the way to atonement. “What for?” she said, and smiled at me. “Exactly”, I said. I walked to the very end of the meadow where my family had lined up. My father and Johan apologised to me. It didn’t mean much to me. I saw their contrition was sincere, but I was still high on my own anger. I forgave them because I felt it had taken long enough. But when it was Vincent’s turn, he stepped forward, very close to me, looked at me with those sincere eyes and said:
“Vera, I’m scared of you”.
And I just break. Hearing that hurts a lot more than a thousand lashes. Tears are welling up in my eyes. I feel so much regret, so much guilt and sorrow. So much shame for being flawed and dangerous, and hurting those I love. What is it inside of me, that I want to hurt the ones I love?
Even though I tearfully accept my brother’s apology and he accepts mine, I can feel something has been destroyed, something that will never come back. I can see it in his eyes. We will never be as before. We are no longer twins, we are siblings.
My mother asks my father for discipline, and he hits her in the face ten times, and one extra to remember. He does it clean, without anger, with care. Just like I remember from the few times that he did it to me.
The atonement takes a long time for many families, and we stand there. Silent, waiting. My family is standing on the furthest end of the beach, and so I have my back turned to the entire congregation. Behind me, I hear the sounds of hitting and whipping, I hear the screaming. I hear someone say “You’re only saying sorry because you’re in pain, not because you are ashamed of what you did” and all I can do is stand there, look my brother in the eye and listen to this cacophony of misery.
I feel like a princess of Mo society, standing on top of her people, standing on top of their misery. I feel guilt, I feel sadness,I feel anger. Father says he is against violence and he wants to convince the community. But he fails. Our family isn’t the norm. The abuse and misery behind me is the norm. All my family does is keep this rusty bucket afloat. Yes, we women are flawed and yes, we women are dangerous. But if anyone lays a hand on me, I will destroy them. You want to control me? Do it with love, not with fear.
I square my shoulders, hold my head up high, and wait for the screams to stop.
The oaths
It’s time for the oaths. This is a public tradition that all Mo present at the Commencement are expected to witness. The ceremony takes place at a bridge. Anything a boy does before and during the Commencement plays a vital role in
whether any man will offer his vouch to the boy’s father. The more vouches a boy receives, the more honourable his start in manhood is considered to be. If a father chooses to allow his boy into manhood, the boy’s father hands the boy his new stick and recites an Oath. The boy answers with his part of the oath. The boy is now a man. He joins his father on his side of the bridge.
It’s a stressful time. Most boys told me they were more nervous about the oaths than about the trial! And so here we are, all nervous as all hells, watching our loved ones try to become men. Johan gets no vouches and becomes a woman again. It’s so painful to see. Others fail as well, and one father throws the stick of the boy in the water without even asking for the vouches. Klaas, on the other hand, receives vouches from all seven men present. Damn, I hope that doesn’t change anything about our arrangement. At the very least my father will have to be a bigger dowry now. Bram makes it perfectly, as is only just and fair. Adriaan squeezes by, on account of having two fathers.
After the oaths, Klaas and his mother come visit our family to formally ask for my hand in marriage. Oh my. This is possibly the first thing ever to happen in my life that can be described as romantic. Also: gha-ha! Now they can’t back out anymore without losing honour. Husband: secured!
Marriage
Marriages happen! Every unmarried woman is called forward, and then it gets announced who she will marry and for how many workdays. I am not called first and that irks me – it’s Oliviers wife. Maybe old men go before new men? But I am second and I cost 60 workdays and then Klaas is there and offers me his arm.
We walk to the other side of the room and I’m standing arm in arm with someone who is not my brother, and everything is really weird. Some girls clearly did not know who they were going to get married off to, and I feel for them. I’m so happy I got to do a bit of my own negotiations and felt like I had some control over the entire thing – even if the control was mostly to decide to like the likely person.
@orkfotografie 
@orkfotografie
[After the marriage and the first awkward round of congratulations and festivities, me and Jorien (who plays Klaas) go off game to compare what kind of horrible character flaws we have been hiding up until this point, and to see how we can make drama out of them. It turns out Klaas is a huge softboy who folds at the merest hint of temptation. And he just married a woman who is ace! We laugh at the irony. Our family life will be in the clear, at least, but we can’t speak for the rest]
Where’s your wife?
I speak to Bram, who still looks rattled from the trial and perhaps also daunted by his marriage to Rozemarijn, who is a big handful. He apologises for the trial, and I forgive him. He says that he did ask for my hand in marriage, and that he’s sorry that it didn’t happen. I’m sorry too. Bram is such a good guy, and promiscuous vitality would likely not have been a problem at all in our family. He has a good calming influence on me. But would it have been enough? I still see his panicked face in front of me, and the way his judgement inflamed me. Would he be enough to control me?
There is an awkwardly long marriage dinner where my husband and I find out we are very similar. We listen more than we talk, are comfortable with our silences, we keep an eye on what everyone else is doing, and we even eat in the same way. I feel so free and happy, but will my new husband actually take his duties seriously? I take his hands: “I do need you, you know. I may not be as easy to tempt as other women but I do have vitality. I am flawed and dangerous… and I need you”. “I know”, he says. “I know, and I promise I will take care of you”. I stare into his eyes gratefully.
We are seated next to the Jaap family, and I never noticed how outgoing and fun they are. Certainly if you are at a communal dinner like this, you want to sit next to some people who aren’t way too honourable to ever speak their mind. You have more fun! After dinner, we make the tour and do some fun dancing where my husband shushes my laughter in between bouts of his laughter.
Eventually, he says “I have some Alderman tasks to do, I’ll leave you here. I’ll come back for you!”. It’s a warm, beautiful evening and I take a walk through the quiet peaceful village, arriving at my parental home. There’s some dishes there that are undone, and no one in our family likes having those around, so I start on them. I’m drying the glasses as my husband barges into the house, panting and a little panicked? “Where… were you.. I was… looking for you everywhere…” He explains that he was at the party, surrounded by new husbands who had lost track of their wives and then he realised that he, too, had lost track of his wife and went out to find her.
We look at each other. I look at my new husband, and I think “Look at that, he really cares about me”. I’m looking charmed, he’s looking at me like he can’t read my expression. “Is this romance?” I say. “What, watching your wife do the dishes? That sounds about right”. We laugh and walk back to the party, arm in arm.
At the party, I have a great time asking all the new men “Where’s your wife?” and seeing the panic on their faces. Klaas and I take a midnight walk through the meadow all alone. He holds me close and his eyes start to go soft. “This is so nice”, I say. “You know, you remind me so much of my brother. This feels so familiar and comfortable”. Eventually, I decide I want to go to bed, and he walks me to my parental home.
Hmms.. I think I could love this man.
Day IV
On the last day of the commencement, I sleep late but I feel guilty about it, knowing that Klaas will be out looking for me. We go to the farewell lunch. It’s a long buffet table again, but this time at least I am sitting next to Marie and I can talk to someone. There are a lot of new husbands who seem to want to show the community they can control their wives really well. By beating them in public? My men, you are not even in control over yourselves, let alone your wifes. Klaas and I share a smug smile as we look on in disapproval.
But I can’t help but notice that these newly minted wives are getting punished for much smaller things than I do every day. Why is that? How does that work? How come my smiles and cries get a loving “Hush, Vera” and others get dragged to behind the shed and beaten. It’s a puzzle I just can’t wrap my mind around.
Controlling my husband
My husband comes to me and tells me he asked a keip how to keep himself from falling for women’s advances. “Let me assure you, you have nothing to worry about from me”, I say. “It’s not you that I’m worried about”, he sighs.
Oh.
OH.
Well, that could be a solution to a few things. But it could also be a problem. If he’s not discrete, it would make me look bad.
“The keip advised that I should ask you to help train me”, he says with an admirably straight face.
We sit on a small couch in the Hendriks house where his mother is busy making coffee, and I try to seduce my husband, so that he can practise refusing other women. I can quickly see the problem, he does instantly turn into a soft dishrag.
[Really impressive how Jorien is showing a completely different side of Klaas there, and I love how visible it is in his eyes]
After a few minutes of slow escalation, I notice that he’s not putting up any resistance at all: “Um Klaas? You’re supposed to stop me, remember?”
“I know, I’m the worst!!”
Next, I try to jump him, and that scares him so much his hat falls to the back of the couch, which is exactly the moment his mother walks back in. After a few more attempts, lots of giggling from me, and lots of sighing from him, we decide that’s probably enough for today. As we get up, I say: “By the way, I didn’t feel anything when we did that. But I did enjoy watching you squirm.”
“Yeah, I noticed”, he says wryly.
Later on, Johanna comes to talk to me to ask “If someone were to hear about the infidelity of a husband, should one tell the wife?”. “Maybe the husband is working on it”, I say, lightly, but I am worried. I am accustomed to an honourable life, with a few light mishaps here and there. But now women now come to ME to talk about the behaviour of MY husband? This is going to affect our standing. How will we make that work? How will he be strong enough to control me when he can’t control himself? Will I be the one who has to control him AND myself?
That’s not perfect.
But I long stopped believing that any Mo family could ever be perfect.
Is that what it is, to become a woman?
***
Adriaan has been avoiding me ever since the Trial. A full day passes before I see him at his usual spot, staring into the pond. I take up my usual position.
“I know it’s not proper for a married man to spend time with another married woman… but in Mo society, we at least look each other in the eye”.
At that, he finally looks at me, and the weight of it almost knocks me back. It’s a painful look. Silence.
“I suppose that might be hard when one is afraid”, I say, with sadness. “It does not do to apologise for what needs no apology”
“It’s me who needs to apologise, Vera. I failed. I failed to uphold the burden. I failed you. I’m sorry”.
I’m taken aback, this is the last thing I expected him to say. Maybe he will make a good Mo afterall, one day. People start talking to us again, and we are again interrupted before I can say that I forgive him.
The last time I see him, he walks straight up to me and hands me a small pencil: “This is for you. Write your own story”.
I blink away the tears. I will.
***
About the game
For women, a lot of the play is either family or husband play. Outside of those two, you quickly run up against restrictions. Luckily, my in-game family and husband were amazing. Arjan and Diane did such a good job of portraying this family with a cold father and a warm mother. Lobke was simply an amazingly, loving, warm mother, and she was such a blessing to have in a Mo society.
I was happy to see that all the rituals in the game were meaningful and full of drama. Sometimes I’m a bit weary about games with lots of rituals, because there’s often a lot of humming and not a lot going on. But man, these rituals were full of juicy stuff.
Subdued emotions
Eye contact was a big part of the game and often a single gaze would tell a story, convey a complex dynamic or a deep emotion. I’ve never been able to play with eye contact so much in any single game, and that was just amazing to do.
I have cried in games before, but never as much as this. The repression of my emotions in this pressure cooker game made them much more volatile. It felt like, because I couldn’t allow myself to feel or express my emotions, my body would take over and do it for me.
Societal bleed
Bleed-wise, I had a fairly easy time derolling. Not in the least because three of the male characters I was close to, were expertly played by women, who went back to their own appearance right after the game. They were POOF GONE, just like that! The next day, someone I didn’t know brushed my arm and I looked around puzzled. Then Jorien came up to me and apologised because she only now realised that I might not have recognised her.
I did, however, have some societal bleed. There are so many parallels and juxtapositions between Mo society and contemporary Dutch society that it can really occupy your brain for a long time.
I was surprised to get a new perspective on how much restraint and honour are valued in our society. I think about it even now, when I go out with my friends and they shush me because I said the word “Sex” too loud, or when I realise that I can’t cancel my plans because “I’m not a flake” is just another way of saying “I’m too honourable to do that”. The way we all socialize each other, every day, to fit in this mold of what we collectively think society should be. And of course, larps are already out of the standard mold in a few ways, but even we are indoctrinated into society.
SOCIETY MAN!
I also enjoyed the parallels between the Oath swearing at the bridge and how contemporary patriarchy is very much into the gender role of what men need to do in order to be real men. Crying in public, being too in touch with your feelings, sitting with your legs crossed. There is a lot of things men have to stay clear of, to avoid getting their stick thrown in the water and losing some of their manhood.
So, in fact, the most bleed I walked away with, was a keen perception of every time someone tried to socialise me or I tried to socialise someone else into fitting the mold. And that’s quite valuable, I think.
There was also a lot of interesting things around how gender roles were so performative. Gender wasn’t what you identify with, it was what you performed, and if your peers deemed your performance good enough, you were that gender. So I guess it was both performative *and* meritocratic? Even if you’re pregnant – who cares? Of course, the counterpart is that no one cares how you feel, it’s all about how you perform.
The other thing that interested me was the idea of a flawed danger that is lurking inside, full of volatile urges, that they can’t be expected to control. That’s pretty much how we treat cis men today, and there’s so many crazy things about that.
Jules Ingame 
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